A coaching conversation is when a) the focus on the conversation is primarily on the coachee and their situation b) the thinking, actions and learning of the coachee benefited from the conversation and c) if the conversation hadn’t happened, the coachee is unlikely to have had benefits in thinking or learning.
The coachee is responsible for the results they are generating. If we acknowledge that we are responsible for something, it follows that we have power and influence over it. So we coach from the principle that individuals are ultimately responsible for their experience and also the results they’re getting. That includes their job, relationships they’ve chosen, where they’re living etc. We do this because it is a more constructive viewpoint. For coaching conversations to generate better outcomes for people, we need to maintain a sense of possibility - that better outcomes are available.
There are 5 fundamental coaching skills.
1) Building Rapport and Relationship
One way to increase rapport is known as matching. This literally means being the same in some way as the person you want to build rapport with. In a coaching environment simple ways of building rapport including matching posture, voice quality, speed of speech, physical gestures etc. For example, if your gestures are more animated than the other person, calm yourself down a little and if you’re speaking much more quickly than they are, gently decrease your pace.
2-3)Different Levels of Listening and Using Intuition
As a result of their listening, a good coach is able to go beyond what is actually said and begin to notice what is unsaid. Many of us are not fully listening most of the time. So as a coach, you need to be able to sustain your listening in a more focused and effective manner that is typical in normal conversations. For example, your coachee might explain how they are very excited about a forthcoming job move, saying it’s good for them right now to be moving in a certain direction, and it's good timing, the smart thing to do etc. However in your listening you might gain the sense of something else not being said that contradicts what your coachee is saying. Perhaps you hear a change in the person’s tone of voice, or something about their words that doesn’t quite ring true. In your active attunement, you are able to pick up on subtle ties that can easily be missed by casual attention or listening.
4) Asking Effective Questions
To be a great coach you need to be able to ask great questions. In coaching, a well timed, simply worded question can remove barriers, unlock hidden information and surface potentially life changing insights. A good question will have the following characteristics: a) it's simple b) it has a purpose and c) it influences the direction of someone’s thoughts, without controlling them. E.g ‘can you say a bit more about that?’, ‘What is is about earning more money that is important to you?’, ‘How will this amount of travel affect things at home?’. Powerful questions have many potential benefits: a) they refocus thoughts e.g. from problem to solution b) they can help someone feel more powerful and constructive about a situation c) they tap into creativity and create options d) they can make a problem feel more like a challenge or an opportunity and e) they create positive forward movement i.e. towards solution or action.
5) Giving Constructive Feedback
As a coach, one way that you support this is to offer feedback in helpful ways. This might range from making a simple encouraging observation in the moment, to offering a more considered, challenging view of someone’s attitudes or behaviours. Feedback should be given with a positive intention, based on fact or behaviour and constructive and beneficial. A good time to give feedback is when your coachee doesn’t appear to have noticed something in a situation, or appears unaware in an unhelpful way. Maybe they are using language or behaviour that you feel is interesting or relevant. By offering immediate feedback as an observation, you can often clarify their awareness. For example, 'When you describe Eric, you use the word ‘chaotic’ a lot and also a ‘complete mess’ - did you notice that?' Feedback is more likely to be effective if it is factual and based on something a person can do something about (or change). It’s often best to comment on behaviour, as a person can appreciate that they have choices about how they behave.
